4th of July

Everyone always says that Valentine's Day is the loneliest day for single people. But I think the 4th of July ranks right up there with it.

Back in my party days, we used to go camping every 4th of July weekend. The first time I went was when I was 18. I had a boyfriend back then, a guy I'd been seeing for only a month or two. I had just graduated high school, had tasted my first Bud Light (and still thought it tasted good), and was experiencing that summer high you get between high school and college. For a few months at least, I was free -- no school, no curfew, no rules.

The following year, my 4th of July pretty much sucked. I'd nearly flunked out of college my freshman year from partying too much -- which I know happens to a lot of students at my nationally known "party school," but it wasn't supposed to happen to me. And my boyfriend from the previous year had turned into an on-again, off-again thing -- which also wasn't supposed to happen to me. I was supposed to have a perfect college record, so that I could get a good job, and a perfect romance-novel relationship, so that I could get married and start a family. What went wrong?

Anyway, the summer I was 19, my boyfriend ditched me on the 4th. We had plans to go camping, but on the day we were supposed to leave I could suddenly no longer reach him. I moped around, depressed, until I couldn't stand it anymore. Then I started calling other friends. I found another camping trip, and was able to tag along.

I honestly think that was the last memorable 4th of July I had. We drank a lot, played with fire(works), and skinny dipped in the river. I'd been tanning in a bikini all summer so far, and I got so burned in the places that hadn't seen the sun that when I was naked I looked like I was wearing a hot-pink bikini. But permeating everything that weekend was the underlying feeling of depression and loneliness.

Within the next year, my party days started to end. I wasn't drinking as much, and since that's the only fun way to celebrate the 4th, I stopped doing anything truly memorable on the holiday. (I outgrew fireworks shows when I was, like, 12.) As a result, when I think of the 4th of July, I usually think of being alone.

This year, I'm sick of moping around and being depressed. So I'm going to do things a little differently. I'm going to go out tonight, get drunk along with the rest of the city -- maybe even drunk enough that fireworks seem interesting again -- and flirt with the hottest guy I can find.

What are you doing for the 4th?